“Bob Hope was not a television pioneer. He didn't learn his lines. If you don't learn your lines, I don't take you seriously. We never had a (cue) card.”
“The true pioneer of civilization is not the newspaper, not religion, not the railroad--but whiskey!”
“Black is the most engaging colour, even the blind says so”
“We often confuse our emotions with hunger. you are not angry or sad, just go and make your self a sandwich.”
“We like taming life-size wild mammals. So we trie marriage.”
“Can’t wait to make another mistake, it’s the fastest thing to get credit for.”
“Lying was invented when hysterical women demanded rational men to complement their shoes”
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