“Bob Hope was not a television pioneer. He didn't learn his lines. If you don't learn your lines, I don't take you seriously. We never had a (cue) card.”
“The true pioneer of civilization is not the newspaper, not religion, not the railroad--but whiskey!”
“Unpleasant choices are compelling among these finite resources”
“Black is the most engaging colour, even the blind says so”
“Lying was invented when hysterical women demanded rational men to complement their shoes”
“Anything beyond imaginable is simply boring”
“My great grandfather was a liberal Neanderthal. My great grandmother was a blind philocalist. Which proves my existence is merely an accident”
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