“The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible.”
“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”
“You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.”
“It's only funny till someone gets hurt........then it's hilarious”
“God's great cosmic joke on the human race was requiring that men and women live together in marriage”
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