“I don't need to pay a therapist to give me crap. I have a roommate that does it for free.”
“My roommate says, I'm going to take a shower and shave, does anyone need to use the bathroom? It's like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first.”
“My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.”
“I'm not the easiest person to live with. I'm kind of a slob. So for me to consider a roommate, it would have to be one of my sisters or something.”
“All they gave my roommate was Benadryl, ... I wanted to see a real doctor.”
“My roommate said, 'I need to shave and use the shower. Does anyone need to use the bathroom?' It's like some weird-a** quiz, where he reveals the answer first.”
“[According to his old UNLV roommate, Chad Campbell always orders his burgers without any fixings.] He's just a plain guy, ... So, did you go to the golf tournament today?”
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