“If God had intended us not to masturbate he would've made our arms shorter”
“Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love”
“What I like about masturbation is that you don't have to talk afterwards.”
“The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to dress up for it”
“I never did like working out - it bears the same relationship to real sport as masturbation does to real sex”
“I am going to my room to masturbate before I have a light lunch, if you would like to come and watch”
“Show me a man without addiction and I will show you a man that just died.”
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