“The British tourist is always happy abroad as long as the natives are waiters.”
“A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person”
“In a restaurant choose a table near a waiter”
“I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass”
“When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper.”
“Well, isn't Bohemia a place where everyone is as good as everyone else -- and must not a waiter be a little less than a waiter to be a good Bohemian?”
“I'm an assistant storyteller. It's like being a waiter or a gas-station attendant, but I'm waiting on six million people a week, if I'm lucky. [On being an actor]”
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