“After I quit drinking, I realized I am the same asshole I always was; I just have fewer dents in my car.”
“Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.”
“It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.”
George F. Burns
“I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.”
“I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.”
“I wish I could drink like a lady / I can take one or two at the most / Three and I'm under the table / Four and I'm under the host”
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