“I try not to drink too much because when I'm drunk, I bite.”
“I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.”
“It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.”
George F. Burns
“When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!”
“Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.”
“Being drunk is a good disguise. I drink so I can talk to assholes. This includes me.”
“What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you want to get drunk?”
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