“Somebody has to do something, and it's just incredibly pathetic that it has to be us.”
“I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?'”
“Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason”
“There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked."”
“Yesterday Jerry Springer bowed out of the Ohio Senate race. He said, 'If I can't run the most embarrassing campaign in America, then I'm out of here.'”
“It is like what (Oakland Mayor) Jerry Brown said, 'You can't go this far with mayors,' ... It is like telling us to get out of town.”
“My daughter made me a Jerry Springer-watching kit, with crackers, Cheez Whiz, polyester stretch pants and a T-shirt with two fat women fighting over a skinny guy.”
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