“Everyone's safe, which is great news,”
“Your latest news is just news being repeated over and over again. It's old news already.”
“It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.”
“It is better to be making the news than taking it; to be an actor rather than a critic”
“When we hear news we should always wait for the sacrament of confirmation”
“Nothing travels faster than light, with the possible exception of bad news, which follows its own rules”
“The only gossip I'm interested in is things from the Weekly World News - 'Woman's bra bursts, 11 injured'. That kind of thing.”
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