“Of course the music is a great difficulty. You see, if one plays good music, people don't listen, and if one plays bad music people don't talk.”
“The people who never wanted to meet you, will never know what you would have sounded like together!”
“It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.”
“People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House.”
“Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.”
“Satire lies about literary men while they live and eulogy lies about them when they die.”
“Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.”
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