“The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating...
...and you finish off as an orgasm.”
“We need to start Game 1 where we finished off Game 70 and not let anything go backward. More than anything, it's my expectation we would do everything we did last year that was possible. But we have to build on that. We have to get better.”
“The bigger issue is the first-pitch fastballs they are squaring up. He might have to start pitching backwards (by starting batters with breaking pitches) and doing some things different off the mound.”