(54 quotes found)
“Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who would be willing to test any drug they could come up with”
“Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things”
“People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think”
“I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it”
“Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.”
“You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans”
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
“The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept”
“Baseball is the only major sport that appears backward in a mirror”
“When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?”
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