(4704 quotes found)
“Strength is the ability to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of those pieces”
“I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.”
“It's only funny till someone gets hurt........then it's hilarious”
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.”
“Some guy hit my fender and I said "be fruitful and multiply" but not in those words”
“You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither”
“It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.”
George F. Burns
“Me fail english? Thats unpossible.”
“Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner.”
“Computers have enabled people to make more mistakes faster than almost any invention in history, with the possible exception of tequila and hand guns”
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