(4762 quotes found)
“Some guy hit my fender and I said "be fruitful and multiply" but not in those words”
“Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.”
“It's only funny till someone gets hurt........then it's hilarious”
“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.”
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.”
“Me fail english? Thats unpossible.”
“You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither”
“It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.”
George F. Burns
“Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner.”
“I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone.”
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