(4644 quotes found)
“Some guy hit my fender and I said "be fruitful and multiply" but not in those words”
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.”
“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.”
“Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.”
“I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.”
“You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither”
“Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner.”
“Me fail english? Thats unpossible.”
“It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.”
George F. Burns
“Computers have enabled people to make more mistakes faster than almost any invention in history, with the possible exception of tequila and hand guns”
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