(4798 quotes found)
“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.”
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.”
“Strength is the ability to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of those pieces”
“It's only funny till someone gets hurt........then it's hilarious”
“Some guy hit my fender and I said "be fruitful and multiply" but not in those words”
“Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner.”
“You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither”
“Me fail english? Thats unpossible.”
“It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.”
George F. Burns
“Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else”
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