(4604 quotes found)
“It's only funny till someone gets hurt........then it's hilarious”
“Strength is the ability to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of those pieces”
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.”
“Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.”
“I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.”
“It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.”
George F. Burns
“Me fail english? Thats unpossible.”
“You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither”
“Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner.”
“Computers have enabled people to make more mistakes faster than almost any invention in history, with the possible exception of tequila and hand guns”
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