(4701 quotes found)
“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.”
“It's only funny till someone gets hurt........then it's hilarious”
“Strength is the ability to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of those pieces”
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.”
“Some guy hit my fender and I said "be fruitful and multiply" but not in those words”
“You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither”
“Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner.”
“Me fail english? Thats unpossible.”
“It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.”
George F. Burns
“Computers have enabled people to make more mistakes faster than almost any invention in history, with the possible exception of tequila and hand guns”
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