(4701 quotes found)
“Love is a piano dropped from a fourth story window, and you were in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
“Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.”
“Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.”
“If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.”
“This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.”
“Tell me I'm clever, Tell me I'm kind, Tell me I'm talented, Tell me I'm cute, Tell me I'm sensitive, Graceful and wise, Tell me I'm perfect-- But tell me the truth.”
“I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone.”
“Computers have enabled people to make more mistakes faster than almost any invention in history, with the possible exception of tequila and hand guns”
“Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else”
“I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes.”
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