(4804 quotes found)
“Some guy hit my fender and I said "be fruitful and multiply" but not in those words”
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.”
“Strength is the ability to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of those pieces”
“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.”
“It's only funny till someone gets hurt........then it's hilarious”
“You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither”
“It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.”
George F. Burns
“Me fail english? Thats unpossible.”
“Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner.”
“I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone.”
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