(4820 quotes found)
“The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.”
Franklin P. Jones
“I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.”
“You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.”
“The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time”
“Eskimo: "If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?" Priest: "No, not if you did not know." Eskimo: "Then why did you tell me?"”
“Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people once a year”
“You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.”
“I started out with nothing. I still have most of it.”
“The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.”
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
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