(4677 quotes found)
“When I hear somebody saying, ‘Life is hard,’
I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to
“Why is a woman like a hurricane? Because when she comes, she is wet and wild and when she leaves she takes your house and your car”
“Taxes grow without rain”
“The similarity between men and parking spaces is striking. The good ones are taken and the free ones are too small.”
“I'm doing a very funny show in which we talk about issues. I speak at Aids charities and things. It's great to do something fun with our days and yet we're told we're doing something important.”
“How boys propose? They go down on one knee, pull out a ring, and say, I love you. Will you marry me? How girls propose: I'm pregnant'”
“Santa: My wife treats me like a dog! Psychologist: Does she abuse, hit or starve you? Santa: No it's a worse! She wants me to be faithful.”
“she would rather cuddle then have sex. If you are good with grammar you will get it”
“you are only as stupid as the person you are talking to thinks you are.”
“people that see ufos aren't weird they are just stupid. the smart ones are the ones that get on em and get the hell out of here.”
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