(4653 quotes found)
“My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.”
“Why is a woman like a hurricane? Because when she comes, she is wet and wild and when she leaves she takes your house and your car”
“I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.”
“The similarity between men and parking spaces is striking. The good ones are taken and the free ones are too small.”
“A woman is like an umpire. She makes snap decisions and never reverses them.”
“How boys propose? They go down on one knee, pull out a ring, and say, I love you. Will you marry me? How girls propose: I'm pregnant'”
“Santa: My wife treats me like a dog! Psychologist: Does she abuse, hit or starve you? Santa: No it's a worse! She wants me to be faithful.”
“she would rather cuddle then have sex. If you are good with grammar you will get it”
“you are only as stupid as the person you are talking to thinks you are.”
“people that see ufos aren't weird they are just stupid. the smart ones are the ones that get on em and get the hell out of here.”
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