(4754 quotes found)
“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.”
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.”
“It's only funny till someone gets hurt........then it's hilarious”
“Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.”
“Some guy hit my fender and I said "be fruitful and multiply" but not in those words”
“It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.”
George F. Burns
“Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner.”
“You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither”
“Me fail english? Thats unpossible.”
“If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.”
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