(4613 quotes found)
“Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else”
“Computers have enabled people to make more mistakes faster than almost any invention in history, with the possible exception of tequila and hand guns”
“Tell me I'm clever, Tell me I'm kind, Tell me I'm talented, Tell me I'm cute, Tell me I'm sensitive, Graceful and wise, Tell me I'm perfect-- But tell me the truth.”
“Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.”
“If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.”
“Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.”
“I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone.”
“This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.”
“Love is a piano dropped from a fourth story window, and you were in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
“When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.”
George Bernard Shaw
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