(4753 quotes found)
“Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.”
“I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone.”
“Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else”
“This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.”
“If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.”
“Love is a piano dropped from a fourth story window, and you were in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
“Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.”
“Tell me I'm clever, Tell me I'm kind, Tell me I'm talented, Tell me I'm cute, Tell me I'm sensitive, Graceful and wise, Tell me I'm perfect-- But tell me the truth.”
“Computers have enabled people to make more mistakes faster than almost any invention in history, with the possible exception of tequila and hand guns”
“I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose”
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