(4594 quotes found)
“Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else”
“This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.”
“Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.”
“Computers have enabled people to make more mistakes faster than almost any invention in history, with the possible exception of tequila and hand guns”
“If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.”
“Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.”
“Love is a piano dropped from a fourth story window, and you were in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
“I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone.”
“Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.”
“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”
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