(4627 quotes found)
“Computers have enabled people to make more mistakes faster than almost any invention in history, with the possible exception of tequila and hand guns”
“Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.”
“Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.”
“Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.”
“If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.”
“I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone.”
“Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else”
“Tell me I'm clever, Tell me I'm kind, Tell me I'm talented, Tell me I'm cute, Tell me I'm sensitive, Graceful and wise, Tell me I'm perfect-- But tell me the truth.”
“Love is a piano dropped from a fourth story window, and you were in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
“I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose”
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