(1372 quotes found)
“Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.”
“Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”
Robert A. Heinlein
“It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.”
George F. Burns
“Nobody says you must laugh, but a sense of humor can help you overlook the unattractive, tolerate the unpleasant, cope with the unexpected, and smile through the day”
“Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.”
“Humor is... despair refusing to take itself seriously.”
“A sense of humor... is needed armor. Joy in one's heart and some laughter on one's lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life.”
“The kind of humor I like is the thing that makes me laugh for five seconds and think for ten minutes.”
“Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself”
“Humor is reason gone mad.”
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