(1345 quotes found)
“Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.”
“Humor is reason gone mad.”
“Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself”
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.”
“Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to fuck”
“When humor goes, there goes civilization.”
“Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.”
“Warning: Humor may be hazardous to your illness”
“Good humor is one of the preservatives of our peace and tranquility”
“Humor comes from self-confidence.”
Rita Mae Brown
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