(1368 quotes found)
“Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself”
“I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.”
“You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.”
“Good humor is one of the preservatives of our peace and tranquility”
“Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.”
“Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to fuck”
“When humor goes, there goes civilization.”
“The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven.”
“You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.”
“The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.”
Franklin P. Jones
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