(10 quotes found)
“Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.”
“When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.”
“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe.”
“Sometimes you just gotta wear the tinfoil hat.”
“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”
“If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.”
“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.”
“When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.”
“Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritation and resentments slip away, and a sunny spirit takes their place.”
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